Being on Top of Things

After months away, I came back to YouTube today. It feels so good to be back. What a wonderful feeling to be on top of things, to feel the illusion of control. It’s a bit scary, I won’t lie. I’m afraid of falling back into the stress and the addiction to create and produce, because this feeling is addictive. It’s euphoric. Even though many parts of life are out of my control, when the “big things,” the ones society notices and praises as productive and useful, are handled, it feels like I’m on top of the world. But when you’re that high, the fall is steep and painful. So today, I want to remind myself to keep my balance. To resist the pull of that insatiable high and keep my feet on the ground.

Usually, in moments like these, I want to do everything at once, to make up for all I’ve missed. And then, no wonder I fall. So this time, I want to purposefully say no to things, even when I want to say yes. To choose not to do it all, even when I feel like I could. To take a deep breath, slow down, and leave room for rest.

Hopefully, next time life meets me in a dark corner, the fall will be nothing more than a small slip, one I can quickly stand back up from.