Stronger than I Believe

Every time I cry, feel tired, get overwhelmed by emotions, or wish I could just disappear, all of which happen more often than I’d like to admit, I feel so small and weak. But come to think of it, I’m the only one who knows the demons I’m facing. I know how excruciating it can be to even get out of bed. I know the amount of effort I put into the smallest of tasks, and how I fight like mad with the bigger ones.

With all the calls I didn’t answer, all the messages I didn’t reply to, the endless to-do list that flickers and dances in front of my eyes constantly and won’t let me rest, I carry with me so much disappointment and guilt. Yet there’s still so much I do. So many places where I show up. So many unbelievable mountains that I climb, and monstrous fears that I conquer.

No one knows the battle I face every single minute of my life, and perhaps that’s why many don’t see the pain beneath each smile. With bleeding wounds, watery eyes, and rusty tools, I face each day with fierceness, and I struggle through.

But I know. I know what’s going on inside of me, and when I look at all the things I still somehow manage to do—wow, I think I might be the strongest person alive.

And I’m grateful, and a bit impressed, I must say.