Unlearning the Comfort of Misery

From dusk till dawn, we are surrounded by negativity, so much so that being cheerful almost feels like a crime. I’ve found myself feeling ashamed when something goes my way, trying to hide it as if it’s something to be guilty about.

Lately, or maybe it’s been like this forever, and I’m only now noticing, it seems that when I’ve had a good day, or I have good news, or my smile is a bit wider, many people around me don’t know what to do, and exactly how to react. And it comes out a bit… awkward. So, to make them feel more at ease, I tone everything down, everything that feels even slightly too happy. And that’s just… sad.

It saddens me because our brains are wired to focus on the negative in order to protect us, but this wiring makes us feel more alive and alert when things go wrong. Over time, we get addicted to that state. And when I do feel happy, I automatically start searching for the thing that will ruin it. I don’t allow myself to enjoy the moment. The negative becomes my comfort zone. I become someone who doesn’t know how to feel happy or how to deal with happiness when it arrives.

So this morning, I want to share something I’m happy about and try not to downplay my happiness:

I woke up when I said I would. I read for a bit. Then I did an intense workout. I had my post-workout shake, and now I’m sitting down to write this, which more or less sums up my new morning routine. I still need to take a shower and do my morning pages, but other than that, everything else is checked off.

And that makes me HAPPY.

It’s the small things. But just because they’re small doesn’t mean they don’t deserve space and celebration. And I don’t want to keep ignoring them.